The Tragic and Epic Tale of One Who Sought to Change Her Name

For those of you who have been wondering why it took me so long to change my name - I have a story for you.

There once a young girl who went by the name of Jennifer Scarr, such a nice name. She had nothing against that name, except perhaps how people made fun of her in elementary school for being "Scar's evil sister" - think Lion King. But then, just before her sophomore year in college she met a nice boy who also had a nice name - Matthew Bellue. She sort of fell incredibly in love with this person and before she could blink they were married! Awwwwwwwwwww. Yes, quite. And as is tradition, when a lady gets married she has the option of changing her name. Though Jennifer Scarr was quite fond of her maiden name, she decided it might be cool to have the same last name as her knight in shining armor, so after the wedding she sat in anticipation for her Marriage Certificate. Yes, for it was that one document that would pave the way to the changing of her name.

And she waited.....

and waited....

After two months her spider sense tingled. "Something is not right," she said to herself pensively. So Jennifer Scarr decided to call the County Clerks Office....and wouldn't you know it but there wasn't a number on the Internet that connected her to a live human being. Her cheeks turned pink with frustration and she pawed through the packet given to her when she and her knight bought the marriage license. (Yes this is a TWO step process gentle readers.) There amidst the packet's pages she discovered....an application. AGH. It appeared to this young girl that not only do you apply for a license, you also apply for a marriage certificate. and ALACK - the silly thing had to be notarized. So the agony ensued.

Jennifer Scarr and her knight of a different last name jumped through many hoops, got things signed, and sent that blasted thing on its way in hopes that one day these two love birds would share a last name......maybe.

they waited......

and waited.....

and waited....

FINALLY - a piece of mail from the County Clerk's office! Sweet bliss! Jennifer Scarr tore the letter open expecting to see a marriage certificate. Her stomach did flippy flops, and frustration burned up to her eye balls when she realized that they had not enclosed a check. Oh yes, gentle readers... you need to PAY for proof of marriage. Isn't life grand? With a huge sigh, Jennifer Scarr limply handed the bad news to her knight who said "No Problem!" and he left a check on the desk for Jennifer Scarr to sign, put in the envelope, and then into the mail the following day.

Disheartened but not defeated, Jennifer Scarr did so and sent the second attempt on its way. You are starting to get the picture here yes? There was MORE waiting, and constant checking of the bank account to see if the County Clerk has cashed the check to make the certificate. Nothing.

A few weeks later..... HUZZAH! Another letter from the County Clerk! Sure that this one would be THEE one, Jennifer Scarr ripped open the letter once more only to find bitter disappointment and slight embarrassment. Indeed, Jennifer Scarr had signed the check but for whatever reason she had flipped it over and signed it on the BACK! "Why? Why would I do that???" She thought to herself as she ripped that check into a billion pieces to ease her frustration. Sigh.

And now we come to the last ditch attempt of Jennifer Scarr. Double Checking every single detail of the contents of the letter she was about to send forth, she carefully put all contents into an envelope, addressed and stamped it and prayed one last tired prayer while she dropped the letter into that big blue box of doom.

Five months have passed since that beautiful, dream-like day when Jennifer Scarr married Matthew Bellue, and FINALLY, after all that mailing - remailing - and correctly signing checks, the allusive Certificate of Marriage arrived in the mail. It must be said that this piece of paper is nothing special - it's the marriage license photo copied onto pretty paper. Sigh. But at least she had the Certificate!!!

Jennifer Scarr set right to changing her name by going to appointments at the DMV, Social Security, and Bank. With that piece of paper, everything was quite easy!

And NOW it is with great pleasure that Jennifer Scarr is now Officially - Jennifer K. Bellue.

Sheesh.

Wisdom from the Trails...

When I was in Harrisburg, PA a few summers ago I met this awesome lady named Christine who walked to and from work 6 miles every day. When I got home, I thought to myself that if she could walk 12 miles a day I could bike 6! So I started riding my bike to and from school. It's been almost two years, and so I have compiled a list of wisdom for those who commute by bike -

1. Dress Appropriately - this means check the weather silly pants! Just because it's sunny outside doesn't mean it's warm, and just because it's gloomy doesn't mean it's cold! Ah the tricky state of CA weather.... *sigh*

2. Road Kill - When one is driving in one's car, one doesn't exactly notice Roadkill all that often. It passes in a second, and unless it's a skunk,  you don't really smell it. Well friends, on a bike you see it coming, you ride right past it (unfortunately close enough to see all the damage), the smell is ridiculous and then you pass it. Currently there is not only one but TWO dead possums on my route to school....every morning is like a brief form of torture.

3. Cars - These beasts have no concept of a biker's personal bubble. *sigh* They either think you don't have one - meaning they pass you super closely making you wonder if their side mirror bumped you or if you were just imagining it OR they think you have a really big personal bubble - meaning they drive slowly behind you backing up traffic until they feel it's safe enough to pass you. I have actually waved cars by me before. yeesh.

4. Matthew - yes, it pays to have a husband who formerly worked at a bike shop!!!! He puts air in my tires, fixes all my bike problems, and on top of it all I get to kiss him!!! yay!

5. The Chain - is a mysterious little thing. Make sure it's intact before taking off in the morning you may end up, as i did, trying to guide your bike to the nearest corner from the center of a busy intersection attempting not to get run over by a car. Jeepers.

6. Avoid Glass, sticks, plastic, and other large debris while riding. Apparently they cause damage to tires and tubes.

7. When you believe you have a flat tire, do NOT attempt to take a turn going 17 mph because you will crash. Unless you're me, then you will just almost crash - regain balance - and then walk your bike the rest of the way home.

These points at least have been my experience with biking to and from school/work for the past few years. I can't wait to experience all the new points when I get to Richmond! Huzzah biking!

p.s. as scary as all that stuff sounds.... it was only over the course of 2 years and most of the time I have fun. ;0)

Thoughts on Transitions...

As moving day looms ever nearer, my mind gets caught up on how in the world do we transition from one place to the next?

Questions like - when's a good time to transition out of working with my current jr. high group? What's it gonna be like not having a job for a few months? Finding a place to live.... Moving expenses.... leaving my family, dear friends, ULV theatre, and 75 degree weather. Finding a new job, adjusting to new weather, new place, new school....

I'm pretty sure that God made me for transitions. That it's like in my blood or something. I seem to end up in the youth group that's between youth pastors, or helping someone settle into a new youth group, I'm drawn to Jr. High kids (the biggest transitioners in the world, twix elementary school and high school), I end up at a theatre with transitioning technical directors. And it seems like once the transitions are over, God moves me on to something else. My life has been anything but a constant. True story.

So how do you deal with living in transition? If you know you're only going to be somewhere for a short time, how do you handle that time and how much do you invest? My Philosophy is - go all in, all the time. Love each and ever person you encounter completely, because they deserve it. Serve the people around you. Bring a light and a smile into the room that stays behind when you have to leave. Invest in friendships, mentor those who need it, and when possible - go the extra mile to make things right. I'm soooo not saying I'm perfect or that I do stick to this philosophy all the time, but I try for it. I didn't come up with this philosophy, observing Jesus's life led me to these conclusions. Depending on what you believe, Jesus either knew he was going to die or he didn't. I'm pretty sure that at some point Jesus figured it out, probably early in his ministry, that he only had 3 years and not 30 to teach his message....and then he gave it everything he had until he had to leave. He didn't pull back, or distance himself from his disciples. He didn't do less, or love less because he knew his time was short. He went all in. And humanity is better for it. I'm better for it.

Knowing that about Jesus, continues to push me to give what I can while I'm here to give it.

Karuna

I am currently taking a class at school on the eastern world religions, and I gotta say there are quite a few of them. The professor is challenging my brain to take in an overload of information, and I keep counting my lucky stars that I am at least familiar with most of the religions we're studying so I'm not completely in the dark like some of my classmates. The biggest bummer is that this class is FIVE hours long. Yep you read me right... FIVE. From 5:00 to 10:00 every Monday night. Jeepers.

Last night in class we began to look at Buddhism. Due to my parents recent trip to Japan and their keen interest in the religion, I do have a kind of understanding regarding the Buddha and his teachings. As the professor was telling us the story of Buddha's life and his goals, I skipped ahead and re-read again the 4 Noble Truths. These are the basics of Buddhist belief. Though I read them in high school and have had to memorize them for many a test, the explanation in my text book struck me differently this time. The first noble truth is "All life is suffering." Meaning that the majority of life is met with suffering, as even the greatest pleasures do not last. Kind of depressing, huh? That's where I thought this truth ended... but it doesn't end there. It continues with a purpose. Buddhists believe that though one cannot complete remove suffering from the life of another they can employ compassion (Karuna) and kindness (Maiti) to alleviate the pain for a little while. I found this to be quite a beautiful act of service.

My whole life I've wanted to change the world, fight injustice, be the super hero and help where it was needed most. A pastor once told me, "I was kind of afraid of you. You are a revolutionary." But the truth I have come to terms with is the truth that I cannot save the world. No matter how hard I try to rid the world of pain, anger, war, famine, and heartache I can't do it. And it is no longer my mission.

I want to employ karuna and maiti, to alleviate the pain for a little while. I want my home to be a place where people can come in heartbroken and leave feeling a little lighter. If I can't solve your problem, at least I can bless you with love, compassion, a hug, and a smile.

See? Jesus can even speak to us through Buddhism. Fancy that. ;0)

Moutains of Love,
Jen

Proverbs 21:3

"Clean living before God and justice with our neighbors mean far more to God than religious performance."~ Proverbs 21:3 

I am taking a class this semester called Contemporary Themes in Christian Thought with Dr. Dan Campana. Based on the books assigned for the course as well as the first few lectures, I believe I am about to get a crash course in Liberation Theology.  
Liberation Theology, in its simplest form, is basically action over intellect. The people behind these kinds of systematic theologies love to get out of the church and help meet the needs of the poor, the orphans, widows, unemployed, the list goes on. I guess another way to simply phrase liberation theology is meeting the needs of the people before the preaching starts. To introduce us to this theory, Dr. C showed us a few clips from the movie, Sister Act. I LOVE this movie, and so to watch it in a Christian thought class was totally awesome. The clips he chose to show were that of the nuns getting out into the community and making friends with the 'hood'. This move out into the community deeply troubles the Reverend Mother, played by Dame Maggie Smith. Dr. C likened Reverend Mother to the tradition thinking of the institutional church, and Whoopie Goldberg's character to the "get out there and do something" mindset that Jesus had. It was quite a delightful class.
The verse above came up at my Jr. High group last wednesday. The Pastor was encouraging the kids to speak up for those other kids at school who are getting emotionally shattered each day by those classic teenage bullies. For me, that verse struck a new chord... 
How did religion get to be so heady? ya know? Sit in a classroom and learn the doctrines, the creeds, figure out what you believe and then think about it some more. Didn't Paul say it was as simple as believing in Jesus as our savior? And if it's THAT simple, shouldn't we be sharing that instead of hoarding it up in our studies and classrooms? And yet differing systematic theologies are fascinating to me...
Last Friday, I had the pleasure of listening to Brother Cornel West speak at my school. This man blew my mind and I gotta admit, he was quite inspiring. 
An existential Christian, West shared his wisdom about the current state of our world. He values each culture for the insights it brings to the world, indigenous, black, Spanish, European, Australian, you name it. He spoke in such a way that I left the auditorium with chills running down my spine and a new role model. Here was a political activist, unafraid to speak his mind, aware of the impoverished condition of our country (both physically and spiritually) and he proclaims Jesus Christ as the motivator for his mission. Jesus is his center, and I must say it was SO refreshing to hear someone speak who thought like me. Furthermore, the guy got out there and did something. He teaches at Princeton, teaches kids to think outside their box. And what a life this man has led...
I'm currently reading through his auto-biography, Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud. This book is a challenge to put down.... I'll let you know how it turns out. ;0)

Just Around the Corner

2-3-2011

I would like to start this post by proclaiming for myself and for those reading, that God is in control.
Matt and I got married less then a month ago and that day sparked the course for so much change in my life personally, and our life as a niave married couple...haha.
Soon I will be graduating from the University of LaVerne and we will be moving into the vast unknown that is Indiana so that I can go to Bethany Seminary in the fall. SO much needs to happen yet in order for that move to take place including but  not limited too, finding a place to live and finding a job for Matthew. Those are like the two biggest things...haha. It's a scary thought to move 3000 miles away from family and friends - from everything familier, it's scary to go to a school I've only visited once and live in a town who's way of life is completely foreign compared to my upbringing in Southern CA.

((By the by, I am sometimes amazed at Matt's trust in me and the calling God's placed on my life. He's willing to move to place he's never been before and trust me to a school of which he's only seen the website and few pictures. I cannot stress how blessed I am to have such a supportive and trusting husband as my best friend.)) 

How in the world did God manage to call me to Indiana??? of all places. Let me tell you friends, sometimes I wonder. I think it's safe to say that Matt and I are excited for this change, and at the same time kinda nervous. At times I am uncertain of my journey, as there are many wonderful seminaries right here in my home town that would offer me a mind-blowing education. It's tempting, but there's this still small voice that softly says, "That's not for you, daughter."
As I've pondered these things, I've come to realize that God loves to push me out of my comfort zone and expand my understanding of how other people live. If we stayed in CA, we'd be living in our comfort zone around the people and places that we love. This wouldn't be a bad thing, but I believe that sometimes in order to see what God has planned, you gotta shake things up a little.
We are going to miss California. The people, the beach, the weather, disneyland...haha - but I know in my heart God's got something big planned for our lives in Indiana and beyond.
Each of us in on a different path, we all have different journeys. Our path is leading us away into the exciting unknown. :0)

Suddenly June seems really, really near....

With love and hope,
Jen Bellue

A Changing Life

Howdy!

My summer is drawing to a close, but I feel once again that it's just another beginning. I'd like to think that my life is full of beginnings rather than endings - don't you? When you think about something ending as the beginning to something else, it seems more positive and happy. So there you go, it's getting close to the beginning!!!

Looking back on this summer, I can say that I have learned a LOT. Strangely enough, what initially was a push out of my comfort zone became my exact comfort zone. Going into the summer I was super nervous about trying to keep afloat a whole Jr. High ministry. Luckily, it came already planned with pool parties, movies, and sunday school galore. I was a little anxious about being the only person in charge, but after the first few experiences I found out that I wasn't half bad at it. haha. Being placed into a leadership position I wasn't exactly expecting, gave me loads of confidence in my own leadership skills. It's one thing to have a whole bunch of people who love you tell you you're a born leader, it's another to have a whole bunch of kids (who are normally squirrly and throwing paper airplanes) listen to you giving directions or talking about Jesus.

And this confidence expands beyond ministry to my very own regular mundane life (haha) as I enter into my (can you believe it?) SENIOR year of college. For quite awhile I've been a theatre kid. I've acted in plays since my 8th grade year at Ramona Middle School, and I have loved every bit of it. When I got to college, I'd had enough people tell me i was a "natural" that I figured I'd major in it. hahaha.
But my life is changing, my passions are changing, and who I want to be is changing. I love change. It's scary for me and exhilarating at the same time. But I think this summer has given me the confidence to own who I am becoming.

This next year, though I am remaining a theatre major, I will not be acting in the mainstage shows. Instead, I'll be focusing my time on my dear Jr. High girls, and helping Scott continue what I have come to know as an awesome ministry. I want to keep learning about this stuff and seminary is too far away! hahaha. This decision was placed before me a few months back, it was a challenge which God gave to me with a smile, I'm sure. I've wrestled with it, talked myself back and forth and into stitches....and every time I've heard that familiar fatherly voice pulling me into the lives of these kids. I can't help but love every single thing about them! Every single thing. hahaha. Where most people roll their eyes over this age group, I find myself laughing and loving the quirks. Such a strange spiritual gift - Jr. High Ministry. hahaha. But I can't deny this part of my spirit, as much as theatre has meant to me these past years - my heart is taking what the stage taught me and moving on.
So here's to a new beginning!!!!!!

Speaking of beginnings -
A wedding is coming! YIKES! I'm so excited. My bridesmaids are all fitted and dresses are on their way! I've had a meeting with a super cool decorations lady by the name of Debbie, and she's helping me decorate the sanctuary and reception hall. I've started keeping an eye out for stuff like that... Matt and I are super close to booking our honeymoon (which for some reason makes all this feel way more real than it did before) and we are possibly going to look for a wedding band for Matt tomorrow! (He's an overachiever and already has mine.)
Also looking forward to hand making the invitations! They are going to be fun!
*deep breath*
I'm so excited, I get carried away. I cannot wait to be married to this amazing man! GAH! I'm so totally excited. Did I mention he's amazing? Cause he is.

Hope this finds everyone smiling, well, and possibly giggling!
With all kinds of love,
Jen