Positively Positive.

Life hardly ever goes the way you plan it. I think that's one of the quirks of being human, we plan and then plans don't happen or they happen differently. I'm learning however that it's how we deal with the future God has planned rather than the future WE planned that makes us who we are.
So this year, instead of doing as we planned, Matt and I are staying in California and I am on a hunt for a job. Huzzah! I am actually feeling ridiculously positive about this turn of events. Taking a year off of school may end up being the perfect time for Matt and I to figure out who we are as a couple, and what we want to do with our life together. It'll be a time of ministry for both of us in whatever way we see fit! I'm going to continue helping out at Glenkirk in the Jr. High dept, and Matt and I may be starting up a ministry of our own. ;0)
Also - the BIGGEST perk of not moving this summer was the addition of the cutest member of our family. Our new doggy, Dizzy. :0) She's about the cutest thing I've ever met in my life and so far I love taking care of her. She likes to curl up next to me when I read, and watch TV with me and Matt. She also likes kids, dogs, cats, and really - people in general. I'm sorta in love with her.
Also, we discovered that she is an incredibly fast runner. Like FAST. Matt even had a hard time keeping up with her. :0)

Well today I am off to my first interview with Barnes and Noble. Wish my luck!! I'll keep you posted.

Learning to Drive - again.

In preparation for our move across the country, a decision had to be made. Whose car were we going to take on this massive and awe-inspiring journey?

I have had my car, which I have fondly called "Blinky" due to it's rather loud blinker noise, for nearly 5 years. That's right my friends, five years. When I graduated high school back in '007, my amazing grandparents gave me a hefty sum of money which allowed me to buy Blinky, and make payments on the loan for a few months. This wonderful car has had it's ups and downs, including transmission failure and squeaky breaks, a stereo with a mind of it's own and a trunk that cannot be popped from the inside because the button is broken. Most importantly, Blinky has an automatic transmission. I have loved this car to pieces, and it's been on quite a few adventures with me. Journeys through LA, San Diego, and the greater Glendora/LaVerne/Pomona area.

With all this back story, you'd think that Blinky would be a shoe-in for our journey to Indiana. You'd be wrong. Apparently when it comes to cars, boys get their way. *Sigh* So it has come to pass that Blinky will remain in CA under the protection of my little sister, while Matt and I travel across the country in the 2000-something-odd, red, STICK SHIFT, Saturn which Matt named "Agent  99" because of Anne Hathaway in that one Steve Carrell movie. Boys will be boys.

AND SO. Here I am learning how to drive a manual car. I attempted this once at the age of 16- stalled 13 times at a red light on the way to school, cried my way through 1st period, and swore never to drive another one of those beasts again. God is giggling at me as I write this.

A few days ago was my first lesson in the Saturn, and I must say that I am grateful for such a wonderful teacher. Matt is very patient with me, and also rather creative. The hardest part of driving a stick shift is making the car move, which makes me nervous for green lights. So Matt and I drove around the parking lot at my Dad's church and practised making the car move. It's a rather involved process have to do with the clutch peddle and the gas peddle and a need for coordination. If you move one peddle or the other too fast or panic, the car stalls. I am very good at stalling, a pro really. However, I got the car to move forward. HUZZAH!

When Matt thought I was getting the hang of it, he'd make up these crazy scenarios to motivate me to make the car move quickly. You see, I was being very cautious and slow about it because I really didn't want to stall.
One of these scenarios was, "Ok you just cut off the lady behind you and stopped at the yellow light she wanted you to run. She's pretty angry at you right now, and the light just turned green...GO!"
I stalled.
He tried a different scenario -
"Jen, all the jeeps at jurassic park are broken this is the last mode of transportation. You are our only hope. The T-rex is right behind us! GO GO GO!"
I stalled again. I looked at him, "I don't do well in high pressure situations!"
We laughed at me.

If he didn't offer one of his crazy scenarios I started the car moving just fine, but as soon as I imagined a T-rex about to eat me.... I stalled. Word of advice, if you and I are ever inside Jurassic park and the last car available is a stick shift don't make me drive. It'll save your life.

I have a month to figure this out.... I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.....

The Tragic and Epic Tale of One Who Sought to Change Her Name

For those of you who have been wondering why it took me so long to change my name - I have a story for you.

There once a young girl who went by the name of Jennifer Scarr, such a nice name. She had nothing against that name, except perhaps how people made fun of her in elementary school for being "Scar's evil sister" - think Lion King. But then, just before her sophomore year in college she met a nice boy who also had a nice name - Matthew Bellue. She sort of fell incredibly in love with this person and before she could blink they were married! Awwwwwwwwwww. Yes, quite. And as is tradition, when a lady gets married she has the option of changing her name. Though Jennifer Scarr was quite fond of her maiden name, she decided it might be cool to have the same last name as her knight in shining armor, so after the wedding she sat in anticipation for her Marriage Certificate. Yes, for it was that one document that would pave the way to the changing of her name.

And she waited.....

and waited....

After two months her spider sense tingled. "Something is not right," she said to herself pensively. So Jennifer Scarr decided to call the County Clerks Office....and wouldn't you know it but there wasn't a number on the Internet that connected her to a live human being. Her cheeks turned pink with frustration and she pawed through the packet given to her when she and her knight bought the marriage license. (Yes this is a TWO step process gentle readers.) There amidst the packet's pages she discovered....an application. AGH. It appeared to this young girl that not only do you apply for a license, you also apply for a marriage certificate. and ALACK - the silly thing had to be notarized. So the agony ensued.

Jennifer Scarr and her knight of a different last name jumped through many hoops, got things signed, and sent that blasted thing on its way in hopes that one day these two love birds would share a last name......maybe.

they waited......

and waited.....

and waited....

FINALLY - a piece of mail from the County Clerk's office! Sweet bliss! Jennifer Scarr tore the letter open expecting to see a marriage certificate. Her stomach did flippy flops, and frustration burned up to her eye balls when she realized that they had not enclosed a check. Oh yes, gentle readers... you need to PAY for proof of marriage. Isn't life grand? With a huge sigh, Jennifer Scarr limply handed the bad news to her knight who said "No Problem!" and he left a check on the desk for Jennifer Scarr to sign, put in the envelope, and then into the mail the following day.

Disheartened but not defeated, Jennifer Scarr did so and sent the second attempt on its way. You are starting to get the picture here yes? There was MORE waiting, and constant checking of the bank account to see if the County Clerk has cashed the check to make the certificate. Nothing.

A few weeks later..... HUZZAH! Another letter from the County Clerk! Sure that this one would be THEE one, Jennifer Scarr ripped open the letter once more only to find bitter disappointment and slight embarrassment. Indeed, Jennifer Scarr had signed the check but for whatever reason she had flipped it over and signed it on the BACK! "Why? Why would I do that???" She thought to herself as she ripped that check into a billion pieces to ease her frustration. Sigh.

And now we come to the last ditch attempt of Jennifer Scarr. Double Checking every single detail of the contents of the letter she was about to send forth, she carefully put all contents into an envelope, addressed and stamped it and prayed one last tired prayer while she dropped the letter into that big blue box of doom.

Five months have passed since that beautiful, dream-like day when Jennifer Scarr married Matthew Bellue, and FINALLY, after all that mailing - remailing - and correctly signing checks, the allusive Certificate of Marriage arrived in the mail. It must be said that this piece of paper is nothing special - it's the marriage license photo copied onto pretty paper. Sigh. But at least she had the Certificate!!!

Jennifer Scarr set right to changing her name by going to appointments at the DMV, Social Security, and Bank. With that piece of paper, everything was quite easy!

And NOW it is with great pleasure that Jennifer Scarr is now Officially - Jennifer K. Bellue.

Sheesh.

Wisdom from the Trails...

When I was in Harrisburg, PA a few summers ago I met this awesome lady named Christine who walked to and from work 6 miles every day. When I got home, I thought to myself that if she could walk 12 miles a day I could bike 6! So I started riding my bike to and from school. It's been almost two years, and so I have compiled a list of wisdom for those who commute by bike -

1. Dress Appropriately - this means check the weather silly pants! Just because it's sunny outside doesn't mean it's warm, and just because it's gloomy doesn't mean it's cold! Ah the tricky state of CA weather.... *sigh*

2. Road Kill - When one is driving in one's car, one doesn't exactly notice Roadkill all that often. It passes in a second, and unless it's a skunk,  you don't really smell it. Well friends, on a bike you see it coming, you ride right past it (unfortunately close enough to see all the damage), the smell is ridiculous and then you pass it. Currently there is not only one but TWO dead possums on my route to school....every morning is like a brief form of torture.

3. Cars - These beasts have no concept of a biker's personal bubble. *sigh* They either think you don't have one - meaning they pass you super closely making you wonder if their side mirror bumped you or if you were just imagining it OR they think you have a really big personal bubble - meaning they drive slowly behind you backing up traffic until they feel it's safe enough to pass you. I have actually waved cars by me before. yeesh.

4. Matthew - yes, it pays to have a husband who formerly worked at a bike shop!!!! He puts air in my tires, fixes all my bike problems, and on top of it all I get to kiss him!!! yay!

5. The Chain - is a mysterious little thing. Make sure it's intact before taking off in the morning you may end up, as i did, trying to guide your bike to the nearest corner from the center of a busy intersection attempting not to get run over by a car. Jeepers.

6. Avoid Glass, sticks, plastic, and other large debris while riding. Apparently they cause damage to tires and tubes.

7. When you believe you have a flat tire, do NOT attempt to take a turn going 17 mph because you will crash. Unless you're me, then you will just almost crash - regain balance - and then walk your bike the rest of the way home.

These points at least have been my experience with biking to and from school/work for the past few years. I can't wait to experience all the new points when I get to Richmond! Huzzah biking!

p.s. as scary as all that stuff sounds.... it was only over the course of 2 years and most of the time I have fun. ;0)

Thoughts on Transitions...

As moving day looms ever nearer, my mind gets caught up on how in the world do we transition from one place to the next?

Questions like - when's a good time to transition out of working with my current jr. high group? What's it gonna be like not having a job for a few months? Finding a place to live.... Moving expenses.... leaving my family, dear friends, ULV theatre, and 75 degree weather. Finding a new job, adjusting to new weather, new place, new school....

I'm pretty sure that God made me for transitions. That it's like in my blood or something. I seem to end up in the youth group that's between youth pastors, or helping someone settle into a new youth group, I'm drawn to Jr. High kids (the biggest transitioners in the world, twix elementary school and high school), I end up at a theatre with transitioning technical directors. And it seems like once the transitions are over, God moves me on to something else. My life has been anything but a constant. True story.

So how do you deal with living in transition? If you know you're only going to be somewhere for a short time, how do you handle that time and how much do you invest? My Philosophy is - go all in, all the time. Love each and ever person you encounter completely, because they deserve it. Serve the people around you. Bring a light and a smile into the room that stays behind when you have to leave. Invest in friendships, mentor those who need it, and when possible - go the extra mile to make things right. I'm soooo not saying I'm perfect or that I do stick to this philosophy all the time, but I try for it. I didn't come up with this philosophy, observing Jesus's life led me to these conclusions. Depending on what you believe, Jesus either knew he was going to die or he didn't. I'm pretty sure that at some point Jesus figured it out, probably early in his ministry, that he only had 3 years and not 30 to teach his message....and then he gave it everything he had until he had to leave. He didn't pull back, or distance himself from his disciples. He didn't do less, or love less because he knew his time was short. He went all in. And humanity is better for it. I'm better for it.

Knowing that about Jesus, continues to push me to give what I can while I'm here to give it.

Karuna

I am currently taking a class at school on the eastern world religions, and I gotta say there are quite a few of them. The professor is challenging my brain to take in an overload of information, and I keep counting my lucky stars that I am at least familiar with most of the religions we're studying so I'm not completely in the dark like some of my classmates. The biggest bummer is that this class is FIVE hours long. Yep you read me right... FIVE. From 5:00 to 10:00 every Monday night. Jeepers.

Last night in class we began to look at Buddhism. Due to my parents recent trip to Japan and their keen interest in the religion, I do have a kind of understanding regarding the Buddha and his teachings. As the professor was telling us the story of Buddha's life and his goals, I skipped ahead and re-read again the 4 Noble Truths. These are the basics of Buddhist belief. Though I read them in high school and have had to memorize them for many a test, the explanation in my text book struck me differently this time. The first noble truth is "All life is suffering." Meaning that the majority of life is met with suffering, as even the greatest pleasures do not last. Kind of depressing, huh? That's where I thought this truth ended... but it doesn't end there. It continues with a purpose. Buddhists believe that though one cannot complete remove suffering from the life of another they can employ compassion (Karuna) and kindness (Maiti) to alleviate the pain for a little while. I found this to be quite a beautiful act of service.

My whole life I've wanted to change the world, fight injustice, be the super hero and help where it was needed most. A pastor once told me, "I was kind of afraid of you. You are a revolutionary." But the truth I have come to terms with is the truth that I cannot save the world. No matter how hard I try to rid the world of pain, anger, war, famine, and heartache I can't do it. And it is no longer my mission.

I want to employ karuna and maiti, to alleviate the pain for a little while. I want my home to be a place where people can come in heartbroken and leave feeling a little lighter. If I can't solve your problem, at least I can bless you with love, compassion, a hug, and a smile.

See? Jesus can even speak to us through Buddhism. Fancy that. ;0)

Moutains of Love,
Jen

Proverbs 21:3

"Clean living before God and justice with our neighbors mean far more to God than religious performance."~ Proverbs 21:3 

I am taking a class this semester called Contemporary Themes in Christian Thought with Dr. Dan Campana. Based on the books assigned for the course as well as the first few lectures, I believe I am about to get a crash course in Liberation Theology.  
Liberation Theology, in its simplest form, is basically action over intellect. The people behind these kinds of systematic theologies love to get out of the church and help meet the needs of the poor, the orphans, widows, unemployed, the list goes on. I guess another way to simply phrase liberation theology is meeting the needs of the people before the preaching starts. To introduce us to this theory, Dr. C showed us a few clips from the movie, Sister Act. I LOVE this movie, and so to watch it in a Christian thought class was totally awesome. The clips he chose to show were that of the nuns getting out into the community and making friends with the 'hood'. This move out into the community deeply troubles the Reverend Mother, played by Dame Maggie Smith. Dr. C likened Reverend Mother to the tradition thinking of the institutional church, and Whoopie Goldberg's character to the "get out there and do something" mindset that Jesus had. It was quite a delightful class.
The verse above came up at my Jr. High group last wednesday. The Pastor was encouraging the kids to speak up for those other kids at school who are getting emotionally shattered each day by those classic teenage bullies. For me, that verse struck a new chord... 
How did religion get to be so heady? ya know? Sit in a classroom and learn the doctrines, the creeds, figure out what you believe and then think about it some more. Didn't Paul say it was as simple as believing in Jesus as our savior? And if it's THAT simple, shouldn't we be sharing that instead of hoarding it up in our studies and classrooms? And yet differing systematic theologies are fascinating to me...
Last Friday, I had the pleasure of listening to Brother Cornel West speak at my school. This man blew my mind and I gotta admit, he was quite inspiring. 
An existential Christian, West shared his wisdom about the current state of our world. He values each culture for the insights it brings to the world, indigenous, black, Spanish, European, Australian, you name it. He spoke in such a way that I left the auditorium with chills running down my spine and a new role model. Here was a political activist, unafraid to speak his mind, aware of the impoverished condition of our country (both physically and spiritually) and he proclaims Jesus Christ as the motivator for his mission. Jesus is his center, and I must say it was SO refreshing to hear someone speak who thought like me. Furthermore, the guy got out there and did something. He teaches at Princeton, teaches kids to think outside their box. And what a life this man has led...
I'm currently reading through his auto-biography, Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud. This book is a challenge to put down.... I'll let you know how it turns out. ;0)